Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there!
I have been so blessed to have an amazing husband who is also a fantastic father!
Hunter is a man who isn't afraid to get down and roll on the floor with his little girls. He is so patient and loving with them as he teaches them day by day.
Right now I am listening to them all in the other room. The girls are all excited because Daddy has just put new batteries in one of the toys. To them, Daddy can fix anything!
Over the last nine years I have watched him love on our children, correct them when they misbehave, guide them, and cradle them in his arms. My girls dont' run and hide as some children do when their fathers come home, but run to the door to meet their Daddy.
Some of the most moving scenes I have witnessed in our life together is my husband interacting with his precious children. He was there for each of their births and very hands on right from the beginning!!
Hunter... Thank you for being my friend, my lover, my companion, my rock and mostly for being such an amazing Dad to our girls. I love you with all my heart and pray that each of our girls finds a husband that is just like their Dad!
God Bless to all the Daddies out there! As the pastor said this morning.... "The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother."
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
He's Still Here
This is a story of sorts that I wrote awhile back.........
He's still Here
How could I have let myself do that? I knew it would hurt him…. Hurt us. But I did it anyway. He’ll be angry. Worse than angry, he’ll be hurt. Why did I do it? What was that? Did I hear a car? Oh no, I think he’s home. I need more time to prepare what I’m going to say. The sounds of his keys in the door, they’re usually so comforting, but not today. Today I have hurt him. Will I be able to tell him? I look up as he comes in the door. Our eyes meet. He knows. My eyes look away. I can’t face him. Not yet. “Honey, no not yet. Cant’ we talk first? Let’s just stay out here.” His hand is firm on my arm as he guides me to our bedroom. My voice is not my own. “I didn’t mean to. Honest. I was angry. “ “No, that doesn’t make it right. What did you promise? Oh honey, please don’t make me say it. I’ll never do it again. I promise. Yes, I promised before, but I really mean it this time. Please don’t do this.” He stands me before him. His hands reach under my skirt and draw my panties down to my knees. “Honey, I am so sorry!” His arms firmly turn and guide me down over his lap. The cool air brushes across my bottom as he raises my skirt. His right hand firmly holds my wrist to the middle of my back. I need this. I need the loving guidance. I need the firm correction. I need to make restitution for what I have done. His left palm falls sharply on my bared bottom. Ouch! Over and over it comes down. It hurts so badly. I can’t get away from the stinging of his hand. He has never used his hand before, but somehow this time seems appropriate. It seems right. His hand is like steel. I am trying so hard to be still, but the pain is building. I am so sorry! Finally, it comes to a stop. He stands me before him again, reassuring me that it will be okay. His hands move to his waist where he begins to unfasten his belt. He assures me it is almost over. I slowly lower myself over the bed, reaching back to raise my skirt. I can hear the belt slipping through the loops. Ohhh! The pain is unbearable. My fists grab hold of the comforter and I grit my teeth as each lash of the belt burns across my bottom. I can make it through this. I can do it. No, he will think I’m weak. Tears, go away! Don’t you dare overflow. My jaw relaxes releasing a sob from deep within. From a place I didn’t even know existed. My hands release the comforter. All the guilt, the hurt, the anger, they all pour out. His hands are so gentle now as he lifts me to him. His arms are so strong as he holds me tight. There is a peace that envelops me. A heat of a different kind starts as he slowly removes my clothes. He pulls back the blankets, gently laying me under them. In a matter of seconds, he is securely behind me skin to skin as he holds me to him. For now, sleep comes readily. There will be time for reconnecting on a more intimate level later. Right now, I am content to let him hold me and be my rock. Why does this work for us? Are we crazy? Why does it feel so right? I survived. I let my defenses down and released myself to him and he’s still here. He’s not going anywhere. His breathing stays steady behind me and he is still here. He’s still here.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Is your DD a lifestyle or has it become just another part of your day?
This is something I wrote for another CDD blog on a site I belong to and decided to post it on my personal blog as well since the whole experience was such a turning point for us.........
My husband and I have been practicing DD for almost two years now. I say "practicing" because as someone once pointed out to me, there is no such thing as a perfect DD marriage or any marriage really, so in essence, we are all practicing what we live.
At first, it was exciting and scary all wrapped up in one. Could we do this? Would it work? What would the results be? And the really scary question.... What if it didnt' work?
I was the one who approached Hunter with the concept of DD. I did a lot of reading and digging and research and presented it all to him as the writer that I am and held my breath as he took it all in. Would he think I was crazy? Guess what, he didn't ! Now, first off, you have to know my husband. He is very laid back, very easy-going and had never raised a hand to me, let alone stand up to me. I had a terrible temper and he found it best to take cover until the storms blew over. He also lived in a home where he saw his father beat his mother, so needless to say, he was a little reluctant about the whole idea. It took a lot of explaining and assurance to separate the difference in hitting and spanking, but he agreed to try it for me.
We were amazed at the difference right from the start. Our marriage had never been "bad", but it wasn't as good as I wanted to believe it was. There was something missing and DD filled that empty spot. I was no longer floundering, but was accountable to my mate. We were communicating on a whole new level and I was learning how to step aside and be lead instead of running over everyone in my way. We've been learning as we go and finding out what works for us and what doesn't. I have been blessed to be a part of some really great forums out there and one thing a very wise woman told me right off was to take what you can and leave the rest. DD doesnt' work the same for every couple and we all have to be willing to accept that part of the life. What works for "billy and susie" may not work for "jack and jill", but it's the basic concept that comes out the same in the end, an accountability.
Over the last several months, I've noticed a routine developing in our discipline. Where routine can be good, this felt more like DD was becoming just one more thing to check off of the "to-do" list for the day. We became complacent in it instead of diligent with it and were just going through the motions. It was as much a part of our nightime ritual as brushing our teeth and changing our clothes and could be inserted in without us missing a beat. The connection had disappeared.
Due to having young children in the house, we are often forced to wait until late in the evening before anything can be dealt with, so I began to feel like we were in a DD life, but only for 1-2 hours a day. It is not easy for my husband to confront me or to call me on a behavior and we were both allowing denial of an issue to keep us from addressing things as they arose.
So, at the beginning of this month, I issued a challenge to my husband. I asked that he and I both take the entire month of April (which was fitting w/ it being our anniversary month) and commit to starting each day with a determination to make DD a lifestyle and not something that is saved for the last hour of the day. There is a belief that it takes three weeks to develop a habit, so a month gave us a week extra, lol. For a month, I was going to work on really living like I wanted him to be the HOH in our marriage and he was going to determine to act like he wanted to be HOH and to discipline himself to be more proactive when it comes to holding me accountable. Instead of DD falling as a last resort, we wanted it to become intertwined with our daily life.
Over the weeks, little things turned into bigger things. I started seeing my husband in a new light. He became my rock and my anchor. I found myself fully trusting in his ability to lead this home and in his ability to make the decisions regarding my discipline. I used to worry that he wouldn't discipline me enough because it was never a natural tendency for him to lean towards this life, but now, I can't remember the last time I had one of those thoughts. I am confident that he will do what he believes to be best for me and for us. He has developed "the look" and is calling me on things as they happen which is making me more aware of my behavior and its impact on those around me. As I learn to trust him more, he is trusting himself more and is becoming an amazing HOH! Are we all there yet? Nope, this lifestyle is ever-changing in it's execution, but the basic principles remain the same. You have to have a sense of humor and an open mind or it will never work.
So, my question for all of us DD couples is, Are you truly living a dd "lifestyle" or has it become just an element of your life on the sidelines?
My husband and I have been practicing DD for almost two years now. I say "practicing" because as someone once pointed out to me, there is no such thing as a perfect DD marriage or any marriage really, so in essence, we are all practicing what we live.
At first, it was exciting and scary all wrapped up in one. Could we do this? Would it work? What would the results be? And the really scary question.... What if it didnt' work?
I was the one who approached Hunter with the concept of DD. I did a lot of reading and digging and research and presented it all to him as the writer that I am and held my breath as he took it all in. Would he think I was crazy? Guess what, he didn't ! Now, first off, you have to know my husband. He is very laid back, very easy-going and had never raised a hand to me, let alone stand up to me. I had a terrible temper and he found it best to take cover until the storms blew over. He also lived in a home where he saw his father beat his mother, so needless to say, he was a little reluctant about the whole idea. It took a lot of explaining and assurance to separate the difference in hitting and spanking, but he agreed to try it for me.
We were amazed at the difference right from the start. Our marriage had never been "bad", but it wasn't as good as I wanted to believe it was. There was something missing and DD filled that empty spot. I was no longer floundering, but was accountable to my mate. We were communicating on a whole new level and I was learning how to step aside and be lead instead of running over everyone in my way. We've been learning as we go and finding out what works for us and what doesn't. I have been blessed to be a part of some really great forums out there and one thing a very wise woman told me right off was to take what you can and leave the rest. DD doesnt' work the same for every couple and we all have to be willing to accept that part of the life. What works for "billy and susie" may not work for "jack and jill", but it's the basic concept that comes out the same in the end, an accountability.
Over the last several months, I've noticed a routine developing in our discipline. Where routine can be good, this felt more like DD was becoming just one more thing to check off of the "to-do" list for the day. We became complacent in it instead of diligent with it and were just going through the motions. It was as much a part of our nightime ritual as brushing our teeth and changing our clothes and could be inserted in without us missing a beat. The connection had disappeared.
Due to having young children in the house, we are often forced to wait until late in the evening before anything can be dealt with, so I began to feel like we were in a DD life, but only for 1-2 hours a day. It is not easy for my husband to confront me or to call me on a behavior and we were both allowing denial of an issue to keep us from addressing things as they arose.
So, at the beginning of this month, I issued a challenge to my husband. I asked that he and I both take the entire month of April (which was fitting w/ it being our anniversary month) and commit to starting each day with a determination to make DD a lifestyle and not something that is saved for the last hour of the day. There is a belief that it takes three weeks to develop a habit, so a month gave us a week extra, lol. For a month, I was going to work on really living like I wanted him to be the HOH in our marriage and he was going to determine to act like he wanted to be HOH and to discipline himself to be more proactive when it comes to holding me accountable. Instead of DD falling as a last resort, we wanted it to become intertwined with our daily life.
Over the weeks, little things turned into bigger things. I started seeing my husband in a new light. He became my rock and my anchor. I found myself fully trusting in his ability to lead this home and in his ability to make the decisions regarding my discipline. I used to worry that he wouldn't discipline me enough because it was never a natural tendency for him to lean towards this life, but now, I can't remember the last time I had one of those thoughts. I am confident that he will do what he believes to be best for me and for us. He has developed "the look" and is calling me on things as they happen which is making me more aware of my behavior and its impact on those around me. As I learn to trust him more, he is trusting himself more and is becoming an amazing HOH! Are we all there yet? Nope, this lifestyle is ever-changing in it's execution, but the basic principles remain the same. You have to have a sense of humor and an open mind or it will never work.
So, my question for all of us DD couples is, Are you truly living a dd "lifestyle" or has it become just an element of your life on the sidelines?
Friday, June 1, 2007
Is it the method or my wanting to be in control?
I know there are times when certain parts of a spanking make me angry. I used to think it was because "he wasn't doing it right", but now I'm starting to wonder if it's more about the spanking not being carried out in the manner that I would've chosen or they way I had it written in my head.
Due to falling behind and having a terrible attitude on my household responsibilities, my husband and I decided to try what I've heard referred to as "transformational discipline." (I promise I'll write about that sometime soon.) But part of what came of that was me receiving a spanking every night for two weeks to remind me of the importance of making my responsibilities a priority whether I felt like it or not.
The last several days, he's been ending these spankings with several hard swats to my thighs which as anyone who is spanked knows, really hurts! Well, I found myself being mad when it was over and I wasn't sure why. I tried to convince myself it was because he was doing it wrong. Well, I think "wrong" turned out to be code for "I wouldn't tell you to do it that way."
So, now what? Well, I guess I'm gonna have to trust him. I'm going to have to sit back and trust that he is doing what he believes will be the most effective to help change my behavior. And I'm going to have to open my mind up to the idea that I am not in charge here! Ouch!
Due to falling behind and having a terrible attitude on my household responsibilities, my husband and I decided to try what I've heard referred to as "transformational discipline." (I promise I'll write about that sometime soon.) But part of what came of that was me receiving a spanking every night for two weeks to remind me of the importance of making my responsibilities a priority whether I felt like it or not.
The last several days, he's been ending these spankings with several hard swats to my thighs which as anyone who is spanked knows, really hurts! Well, I found myself being mad when it was over and I wasn't sure why. I tried to convince myself it was because he was doing it wrong. Well, I think "wrong" turned out to be code for "I wouldn't tell you to do it that way."
So, now what? Well, I guess I'm gonna have to trust him. I'm going to have to sit back and trust that he is doing what he believes will be the most effective to help change my behavior. And I'm going to have to open my mind up to the idea that I am not in charge here! Ouch!
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