Sense of Humor

I've always said that you have to have a sense of humor in a DD lifestyle or you'll never make it.

A few nights ago, Hunter was giving me a reminder spanking. So, as he is holding the stupid wooden spatula, he begins to lecture. About mid-lecture, he starts poking around with the thing on my bare butt which resulted in the following exchange.....

Me: "Will you please stop testing the dryness of my butt with that thing. I know it's dry already. You're making me self-conscious."

Hunter (stifling a laugh .. very uneffectively): "Okay, you're laying there with your panties at the middle of your thighs, waiting to be spanked. How much more self-conscious can it get?"

We both found that quite hilarious. Yes, I still got spanked, but after we both had a good laugh.

So, you see, a sense of humor is very important because there's going to be times where stuff like this comes up and well, if you can't laugh at it, then there's just no hope, LOL!

Hope I made y'all smile today

April

DD Continues

I know, I know, I've been really bad about posting here regularly, but life interferes sometimes, so I won't make any promises about posting more, lol.

I have been fighting the stomach flu and things that go along with it for about two weeks and am just now starting to get a lot of my strength and appetite back. It has been one of those really frustrating times where just when I think I'm well, I relapse. As I have gotten better the last few days though, one thing that really stuck in my mind was our DD lifestyle. In the not-so-distant past, if I were to be sick like this, DD would've fallen to the sidelines and stayed there for a long while, but this time, it rode the waves with us. Even though, I was sick, I was still held accountable for appropriate behavior and even though, he couldn't' discipline sometimes as "hard" as he normally would, the consequences were still there and still a very real part of our lives.

When I say "hard", I'm not necessarily talking about physical intensity or even numbers, but more along the lines of at least doing something to address the behavior to let me know that he is noticing and that he cares versus just ignoring it, but yet making compromises. For example, not taking a pill would generally earn me ten hard swats on each side with the big bath brush, but I haven't been able to handle the impact of that implement, so he might use something else or lessen the amount.

While this may not seem like a big deal to some, it's huge for us because it shows that our DD life is becoming more ingrained in our everyday lifestyle and a part of who we are and how we operated instead of just one aspect that we are working on over and over again.

So, big yea for us as we make another step in the right direction! :)

Christmas Meme

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper for the most part unless it's a very difficult shape.

2. Real tree or artificial? We've only had one real tree, but after the troulbe we've had the last two years with it, I'm ready for a real one next year.

3. When do you put up the tree? When the kids were babies, we waited until a few weeks before Christmas, but now that the youngest is almost 3, we got brave and put it up the weekend after Thanksgiving this year, and so far, it's still standing.

4. When do you take the tree down? Near New Year’s

5. Do you like eggnog? the stuff in the dairy section? yep.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? probably a cabbage patch doll just the description i asked for that I know my mom searched high and low for.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes.

8. Hardest person to buy for? my step-dad and my father-in-law

9. Easiest person to buy for? my kids

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? a tire iron, and yes, i'm serious, lol.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? I've gotten really bad about sending them, but yes, I mail most and hand deliver the rest. I do email cards to my online family and friends though :).

12. Favorite Christmas movie? "Miracle on 34th Street"

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Depends on the checkbook, but often not until the week before Christmas.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? homemade cinnamon rolls and noodles

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Red.

17. Favorite Christmas song? oh goodness, this is a tough one. I love Christmas carols! "Oh, Holy Night", "Do you hear what I hear?", "Oh, Come all ye Faithful", etc....

18. Travel for Christmas or stay home? We stay local, but are driving all over to see all the family.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Hmmm, let's see... Dasher, prance, blitzen, comet.. oh whatever.. probably not, lol.

20. Angel on the treetop or a star? We have an Angel that we purchased the first Christmas after we were married that holds tremendous sentimental value, but the more I think about the meaning of the Christmas star, the more I'm leaning towards a star when the Angel is needing replaced.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Both.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? all the demands of our time trying to please family.

23. What I love most about Christmas. reflecting about the birth of my Savior and attending Christmas candlelight services with my family!

Thank you to all of our Veterans!!!

Thanks you to all of those who have served this country and sacrificed so valiantly to insure the freedoms that we have today! Thank you to the families of those soldiers who have given their life defending this country for your ultimate sacrifice. Thank you especially to the many in my own family who have served and are currently serving! May God have mercy on us as a nation and may we again become "one nation UNDER GOD!" I know there are many that have issues with this war, but please, even if you don't support the war, please support our troops! :)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

Happy Halloween !!

Hope everyone is having a hauntingly happy day :)!
We did the whole school party thing and are getting ready to head to the church for some trick -or-treating :). Have a safe night :).


PS.. To those inquiring minds.... Yes, we were both finally well enough to take care of business.

Trick or Treat and
Good Night :).

Sickness Delayed Consequences.... Grrrrr

All these germs are getting on my last nerve, but I've done really well with not letting it get the best of my mouth. So, where's the problem?

The problem goes back to last weekend when I confessed that I had been getting really bad about wearing my seat belt lately. In our area, most of the errands I need to run are literally just down the street, so I've gotten really lazy with it, and was feeling very guilty about it too. I did what I needed to and confessed during our weekly DD discussion. He determined that I needed a pretty serious spanking for this offense seeing as it is a major break of our health and safety agreement. By the time we had some privacy that night, both of us were feeling pretty lousy with a terrible head cold, so it was delayed. On two separate occasions through the week, we have determined that it would be taken care of that night, but one or the other of us would be just feeling too bad by the time the kids were in bed. So, now we are both on the last leg of the cold and feeling better and today was it. Tonight I was supposed to finally pay up. What happened?? I have the stomach flu this morning! :( Grrrrrrr!!!!

I know this is cold and flu season, but the germs have worn out their welcome and need to go so we can get back to our normal lives!

I have to go lay down now.

Have a good day :)

Stolen from Cassie's Space

I hope it's okay that I stole this from Cassie's blog. I thought it was really good and different from some of the usual meme's that go around. I'm still new to the whole blog thing, so I hope this is okay blog etiquette. :)

1.Do you like cheese? Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes... on things, by itself, gotta have cheese! :)

2. Have you ever done heroin? No

3. Do you own a bike? I think so. Last time I checked it was hiding down in the basement :( .... been way too long since I used it and not sure that it's usable any more.

4. What are you doing tonight? Fixing dinner and giving kids baths and then probably vegging on the couch with Hunter. At least that is what we'll be doing if we survive the trip to the zoo with four kids today, lol.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Depends on what I'm there for, I guess.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? When you have four kids, they are a food group all of their own and heaven help you if you run out! :) LOL

7. What's your favorite Christmas song? Oh goodness...... "The First Noel", "The Hallelujah Chorus", and "O Holy Night" .... oh, Just put me down for all the traditional carols. I love Christmas music!

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Milk or juice

9. Can you do push ups? I doubt it and I'm not in any hurry to find out.

10. Is your bathroom clean? Well, the kids have been in there since I last was, so probably not, lol.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? my wedding ring and a pair of earrings that Hunter gave me for our first Christmas after we were married. I have worn those earrings for the births of each of our children.

12. Do you have friends? Definitely and some amazing ones right here on line. It's when you're at your lowest that you find out who your true friends are. They are the ones who know all about you and love you anyway and aren't afraid to give you a swift kick in the butt when you need it or a shoulder to cry on when the kick is the furthest thing from what you need. :)

13. Do you miss someone? Yes, I miss my brother terribly. He has been gone for 8 years now , but Praise God, I have the hope and assurance that I WILL see him again someday! :)

14. Middle name? Ummm... that's classified. Since my name is made up here, maybe I should make up a middle name... Hmmm.. well, since I'm such an Angel, how about Angel. Yeah, that works, WEG ;).

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. : 1) Yea, Hunter just got back home with breakfast :). 2) Yipppee, a trip to the zoo. 3) This blogging things is fun, now that I'm learning how to work things, lol.

16. Name the last 3 things you bought: cough medicine, groceries, and gas

17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: Pepsi, Milk and Lemonade

18. Current worry? Will the kids behave at the zoo and how crowded will it be. (I'm claustrophobic)

19. Current hate? The same hate I've had for years... Laundry.. Ick! It's never done. :(

20. Favorite place to be? Wrapped in Hunter's arms!

21. How did you ring in the New Year? I can't remember, lol.... I think we let the kids stay up for the first time to ring it in with us. And then we toasted it with sparkling cider.

22. Where would you like to go? My dream vacation is to go to Austria!

23. Are you hungry? Nope, eating breakfast now

24. What/who made you laugh last? My 2 yr old.

25. Do you own slippers? Yes, several pair

26. What shirt are you wearing? I am wearing a pink flannel nightgown.

27. Do you burn or tan? barely burn

28. Favorite color?Pink

29. Would you be a pirate? Nah, the outfits just don't do much for me, lol.

30. What songs do you sing in the shower? none, too busy enjoying the peace and quiet, lol

31. What did have for lunch? Not lunch time yet.

32. Name someone who has changed your life. Wow, this is a hard one. Probably a very dear couple I met when I was a teenager. I wont give names here, but they are the reason I am who I am today! And of course, Hunter. That man is definitely a saint!! I love him more than life!

33. What is in your pocket now? No pockets in my gown.

34. Best bed sheets as a child? Snoopy... my mom still has the pillowcases, lol.

35. Worst injury you've ever had? I sprained my ankle and tore the ligaments really bad 8 years ago. Man, that hurt!!

36. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2

37. Who is your loudest friend? My sister -in-law

38. Who is your most silent friend? Carrie

39. Do you wish on shooting stars? Not really

40. What is your favorite movie? "Top Gun" , "An American President", "Sleepless in Seattle"

41. What is your favorite candy? anything with caramel


42. What song do/did you want played at your wedding? "In This Very Room", "Keeper of the Stars", "I Cross My Heart", "Hold on to this Moment". Yes, we had all of those. We both love music.

43. What song do you want played at your funeral? "We Shall See Jesus" Other than that, don't have a huge preference, as long as there is a lot of music!

44. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? I think I was online.

45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? I have to go to the bathroom, lol.


Have a great day :)!

Guess What? DD really does work :).

As all DD couples, there are times when you really wonder if DD is working or not. Sometimes it seems like you repeat the same misbehaviors over and over again.


One of the things we have been working on for what seems like forever is my yelling. It has become such a habit over the years to just yell when nothing else works, or just out of frustration, or just because I can. This is something I have desperately tried to stop. I do not want my kids growing up thinking all the Mommy does is yell or to be afraid of me.


As those who know me are aware of, Hunter and I use a journal to record my behavior. A few months back we modified the journal a bit and settled on five areas that needed to be evaluated daily. These areas are: Yelling, Housework, Medications, Sleep and Attitude. A few weeks ago, we took sleep off the list because I was no longer staying up all hours of the night and have gotten much better at going to bed with Hunter or soon after he does.


With each area, I give myself a graded level daily on an A, B, C, D, and F scale. But with yelling and medicines I am supposed to log how many times I have yelled and how many pills I didn't take. It is very eye opening to see those tallies down on paper. There had been a lot of progress over the year we have been working on this, but with the journal modification, we also changed the consequences up a bit and it really helped to put things into perspective. So, not only do I grade myself, but I have to make a count too. Of course the worse the grade, the harder the spanking. At the end of the spanking, I would receive four HARD swats on each cheek with the strap wrench for every tally. Well, I am very very happy to report that in the last NINE days, there has only been ONE tally mark and that was nine days ago. This is even with having sick kids and tons going on that normally stresses me out to the max. See.... DD really does work!!!!! :)

I Did It!!!!

After lots of encouragement and a good deal of faith, I decided to go into business for myself :)! I opened my own Lulu store front to sell my spanko/dd stories. Right now there are four listed and hopefully more to come very soon. So, please stop by and check me out. My pen name is Lydia Russell and the link is : http://stores.lulu.com/lydiarussell . I'd love to hear what you all think and if you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear those as well. :).

Also, a great friend of mine, Joannie of www.joanniewrites.blogspot.com also has a lulu store at http://stores.lulu.com/joanniewrites . Please stop by and check her out as well. Anyone who if familiar with Joannie's work knows that she is an amazingly talented woman and has something for pretty much everyone to enjoy!!

Happy Reading :)
April

Love our Lurker's Day ... or so I hear, LOL

I know I've been awful about posting lately and hope to rectify that soon. It's mainly been an issue of way too many irons in the fire right now.

I'm really new to this whole blogging thing, but from what I see, it's Love our lurkers day. So, if I have any left, lol... Glad you stopped by :)! Please drop a note to say "Hi" and I'll see what I can do about making a real post some time this weekend :).

April

Attention Anonymous

Okay, I'm gonna have to admit that I get a laugh out of the comments laced with swearing and insults that people seem to think have even the slightest chance of getting posted here. The thing that really makes me laugh though are those who comment to blast my choice to live as a spanked wife in a God-honoring DD marriage. These people have told me that I'm going to hell, that I am sick, that I am crazy. Some have offered me help to get out of my "abusive marriage" and some have just blasted the lifestyle plain and simple. Okay, nay sayers, just how did you find this blog then? I'm pretty sure it didn't just pop up on your screen by accident. Nope, you had to type something into your search engine to get you here. So, please enlighten me, if this is so repulsive and evil in your opinion, then why are YOU SEARCHING it out?????? If you dont' like it and you don't want to read about it, then why are you here? I'm guessing it's because on some level you are intrigued that this lifestyle exsists and that there are normal, happy, loving couples who flourish in this life. So, leave your comments if you must and I'll reject them as I must. I won't defend my decision to live this life because ultimately that decision is between my husband, myself and God. If you are honest enough to admit you are intrigued, then I'll be happy to try and answer questions, but if you are just bored and looking for a place to cause trouble and get a rise out of someone, just picture me laughing on the other end of the screen at your ignorance of something you dont' understand and then go get a hobby :).

To all the legitimate readers, thanks for your patience as I took care of a bit of housekeeping. This blog is for my thoughts that I want to share with the community and I will not allow it to turn into a place filled with rants and insulting comments. I love the comments and greatly appreciate anyone who comes to read here with an honest interest in this lifstyle :).

Have a great week :)

Asking for a spanking

Something that has come up here recently is asking for a spanking. That has always been allowed in our DD relationship. I can ask for a BG if I am feeling guilty about something, a stress-buster, a reminder, or even a GG. And I have before. The only rule we have in place on that is once I've asked, I cannot change my mind or back out.

Now, this sounds easy, right? Need a spanking, just ask. Nope, it's not. It's hard! For one thing, Helloooo! Spankings hurt! And it seems that when I know I need one the most, my stubborn pride kicks in. It would appear that I would rather earn one through misbehavior than admit my need for one.

Well, once again, we are out to umm... "cure" this. For the next two weeks, I have to ask for a spanking everyday sometime between the time he gets home from work and 9 pm. If I fail to do this, it will classify as disobedience and as you can see from yesterday's post, he is not giving me any wiggle room with that either. So, not only will failure to comply earn me a disobedience spanking, I will then be required to ask for two spankings the following day.

The idea here is to overcome my pride at asking for a spanking and trusting that he will know or ask what I need. So, I have to ask, not knowing and trust him to do it. So, I could receive a punishment type spanking, a GG, a reminder, or even just a light spanking to show he's paying attention.

Yesterday, I was bound and determined to start this well. I went up to him as soon as we had a free minute and told him I was ready. Apparently, that does not count as asking for a spanking. "Are you asking me for something?" he says. "You're not really going to make me say it out loud, are you?" I question. "Yes, I am. That's why it's called asking for a spanking." I tried to use the excuse that there were kids in the room, but he told me I could whisper it in his ear if I needed to ask him something. After being told more than once to ask for it, I chose to leave the room instead. So, when I finally did make myself ask, he informed me that I had also earned a disobedience spanking for not asking like he told me to.

After the spanking I asked for, he carried out my spanking for disobedience and then told me I had five minutes to put everything away and gather myself. Five minutes came and he came in to find me just starting to put things away. Remember, no wiggle room, so the strap came back out and I tearfully lowered my panties once again and received double what he had just given me. Needless to say, my next five minute warning was carefully heeded and I did as I was told.

This is not going to be easy!

Is it really obedience??

I've had a revelation this weekend. I consider myself pretty submissive with my husband, but after he pointed out some hesitancy to do as he asked WHEN he asked, I really had to ask myself. Am I as obedient as I claim to be? The honest answer is No. While I generally do what he asks of me, I have to admit that if it's something I don't' really want to do right then, that I won't. If I do manage to do it right then, I can't seem to do it without some attitude whether it be vocally or even in body language or I will do it when I am ready to do it versus when he tells me to do it. Or maybe, I'll do just enough of what he said to make it look like I complied. For example, being sent to the bedroom to bare my bottom, pick out a specific implement and wait for him. Okay, I'll probably go to the bedroom and even get the implement, but when he comes in, there's a 90% chance that my bottom will still be covered.

So, my husband is now on a quest to increase my obedience and submission standards. There will be swift and hard consequences for failure to obey completely for the time being until I can prove to him that I am genuinely trying versus still trying to have things my way under the guise of submission.

If anyone has any thoughts on this, I'd love to read them. Add a comment and I'll reply as soon as I can.

Have a great week :).

Journaling

One of the things we have struggled the most with in our DD journey is consistancy. When he would fail to be consistant in discipline, I would start thinking that he didnt' want to do this anymore and that I was too much trouble and that he didnt' care. As comforting as DD is, there is a lot of insecurity that can go into it.



I can't speak from the point of view of the spanker, but being the spankee, I know there is a lot of vulnerability in baring your bottom and putting yourself into a position for someone to inflict pain on you. I know that it's not all about the pain, but let's face it, spankings hurt. The trust element is also of utmost importance in knowing that the person I am trusting to discipline me will not take advantage of that power. There is also trust in his part that I will not hold this against him afterwards.



As our times of inconsistancy continued, the feelings would increase and I would find myself withdrawing and putting up walls. Thus the idea of the journal. Life is busy and with a large family and other commitments, there are times that DD cannot be a front runner. That's just the way it is and there were times that he would get overwhelmed in trying to keep track of what he was supposed to call me on. The transition to HOH/disciplinarian was not a natural thing for him.

So, a little over a year ago, I started keeping a daily journal. This is a place where I am required to list any rules that I may have broken while he was at work or where I can share whatever is on my heart that I may find too difficult to do verbally. I am a writer and have always expressed myself more easily with the written word. I show him the journal each night and he decides whether or not a spanking or other discipline is warranted. Every Saturday, we set aside some time to go over the prior weeks entries and talk about what is and isnt' working for us and determine what action to take to improve things or to address any issues.



The journal has made life and DD so much more peaceful here. I no longer feel like a burden and I am assured that even if we can't deal with an issue at the time it happens that we will get to it on our Saturday. I have a place that I know he will acknowledge my feelings and my feelings of insecurity have greatly diminished. I am so much more comfortable in sharing my thoughts, feelings, and any struggles with him and know that he will give me the time and attention I need.



When we first started the journal, it was 98% me filling it out and such, but now he has taken to writing in it too and sharing what is on his heart. It has increased our communication and proved to be a great tool for us. :)



Have a great weekend :)!!



April

Happy 4th of July!!!!

Happy Independence Day!!! May we all take time to remember those who have sacrificed and served to allow us the freedoms we have today. May we make a new commitment to not take those freedoms forgranted!

Hope everyone has a wonderful day with friends and family. Stay safe and God Bless!! :)

Happy Father's Day!!!!! :)

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there!



I have been so blessed to have an amazing husband who is also a fantastic father!



Hunter is a man who isn't afraid to get down and roll on the floor with his little girls. He is so patient and loving with them as he teaches them day by day.



Right now I am listening to them all in the other room. The girls are all excited because Daddy has just put new batteries in one of the toys. To them, Daddy can fix anything!



Over the last nine years I have watched him love on our children, correct them when they misbehave, guide them, and cradle them in his arms. My girls dont' run and hide as some children do when their fathers come home, but run to the door to meet their Daddy.



Some of the most moving scenes I have witnessed in our life together is my husband interacting with his precious children. He was there for each of their births and very hands on right from the beginning!!



Hunter... Thank you for being my friend, my lover, my companion, my rock and mostly for being such an amazing Dad to our girls. I love you with all my heart and pray that each of our girls finds a husband that is just like their Dad!



God Bless to all the Daddies out there! As the pastor said this morning.... "The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother."

He's Still Here

This is a story of sorts that I wrote awhile back.........

He's still Here

How could I have let myself do that? I knew it would hurt him…. Hurt us. But I did it anyway. He’ll be angry. Worse than angry, he’ll be hurt. Why did I do it? What was that? Did I hear a car? Oh no, I think he’s home. I need more time to prepare what I’m going to say. The sounds of his keys in the door, they’re usually so comforting, but not today. Today I have hurt him. Will I be able to tell him? I look up as he comes in the door. Our eyes meet. He knows. My eyes look away. I can’t face him. Not yet. “Honey, no not yet. Cant’ we talk first? Let’s just stay out here.” His hand is firm on my arm as he guides me to our bedroom. My voice is not my own. “I didn’t mean to. Honest. I was angry. “ “No, that doesn’t make it right. What did you promise? Oh honey, please don’t make me say it. I’ll never do it again. I promise. Yes, I promised before, but I really mean it this time. Please don’t do this.” He stands me before him. His hands reach under my skirt and draw my panties down to my knees. “Honey, I am so sorry!” His arms firmly turn and guide me down over his lap. The cool air brushes across my bottom as he raises my skirt. His right hand firmly holds my wrist to the middle of my back. I need this. I need the loving guidance. I need the firm correction. I need to make restitution for what I have done. His left palm falls sharply on my bared bottom. Ouch! Over and over it comes down. It hurts so badly. I can’t get away from the stinging of his hand. He has never used his hand before, but somehow this time seems appropriate. It seems right. His hand is like steel. I am trying so hard to be still, but the pain is building. I am so sorry! Finally, it comes to a stop. He stands me before him again, reassuring me that it will be okay. His hands move to his waist where he begins to unfasten his belt. He assures me it is almost over. I slowly lower myself over the bed, reaching back to raise my skirt. I can hear the belt slipping through the loops. Ohhh! The pain is unbearable. My fists grab hold of the comforter and I grit my teeth as each lash of the belt burns across my bottom. I can make it through this. I can do it. No, he will think I’m weak. Tears, go away! Don’t you dare overflow. My jaw relaxes releasing a sob from deep within. From a place I didn’t even know existed. My hands release the comforter. All the guilt, the hurt, the anger, they all pour out. His hands are so gentle now as he lifts me to him. His arms are so strong as he holds me tight. There is a peace that envelops me. A heat of a different kind starts as he slowly removes my clothes. He pulls back the blankets, gently laying me under them. In a matter of seconds, he is securely behind me skin to skin as he holds me to him. For now, sleep comes readily. There will be time for reconnecting on a more intimate level later. Right now, I am content to let him hold me and be my rock. Why does this work for us? Are we crazy? Why does it feel so right? I survived. I let my defenses down and released myself to him and he’s still here. He’s not going anywhere. His breathing stays steady behind me and he is still here. He’s still here.

Is your DD a lifestyle or has it become just another part of your day?

This is something I wrote for another CDD blog on a site I belong to and decided to post it on my personal blog as well since the whole experience was such a turning point for us.........



My husband and I have been practicing DD for almost two years now. I say "practicing" because as someone once pointed out to me, there is no such thing as a perfect DD marriage or any marriage really, so in essence, we are all practicing what we live.
At first, it was exciting and scary all wrapped up in one. Could we do this? Would it work? What would the results be? And the really scary question.... What if it didnt' work?
I was the one who approached Hunter with the concept of DD. I did a lot of reading and digging and research and presented it all to him as the writer that I am and held my breath as he took it all in. Would he think I was crazy? Guess what, he didn't ! Now, first off, you have to know my husband. He is very laid back, very easy-going and had never raised a hand to me, let alone stand up to me. I had a terrible temper and he found it best to take cover until the storms blew over. He also lived in a home where he saw his father beat his mother, so needless to say, he was a little reluctant about the whole idea. It took a lot of explaining and assurance to separate the difference in hitting and spanking, but he agreed to try it for me.
We were amazed at the difference right from the start. Our marriage had never been "bad", but it wasn't as good as I wanted to believe it was. There was something missing and DD filled that empty spot. I was no longer floundering, but was accountable to my mate. We were communicating on a whole new level and I was learning how to step aside and be lead instead of running over everyone in my way. We've been learning as we go and finding out what works for us and what doesn't. I have been blessed to be a part of some really great forums out there and one thing a very wise woman told me right off was to take what you can and leave the rest. DD doesnt' work the same for every couple and we all have to be willing to accept that part of the life. What works for "billy and susie" may not work for "jack and jill", but it's the basic concept that comes out the same in the end, an accountability.
Over the last several months, I've noticed a routine developing in our discipline. Where routine can be good, this felt more like DD was becoming just one more thing to check off of the "to-do" list for the day. We became complacent in it instead of diligent with it and were just going through the motions. It was as much a part of our nightime ritual as brushing our teeth and changing our clothes and could be inserted in without us missing a beat. The connection had disappeared.
Due to having young children in the house, we are often forced to wait until late in the evening before anything can be dealt with, so I began to feel like we were in a DD life, but only for 1-2 hours a day. It is not easy for my husband to confront me or to call me on a behavior and we were both allowing denial of an issue to keep us from addressing things as they arose.
So, at the beginning of this month, I issued a challenge to my husband. I asked that he and I both take the entire month of April (which was fitting w/ it being our anniversary month) and commit to starting each day with a determination to make DD a lifestyle and not something that is saved for the last hour of the day. There is a belief that it takes three weeks to develop a habit, so a month gave us a week extra, lol. For a month, I was going to work on really living like I wanted him to be the HOH in our marriage and he was going to determine to act like he wanted to be HOH and to discipline himself to be more proactive when it comes to holding me accountable. Instead of DD falling as a last resort, we wanted it to become intertwined with our daily life.
Over the weeks, little things turned into bigger things. I started seeing my husband in a new light. He became my rock and my anchor. I found myself fully trusting in his ability to lead this home and in his ability to make the decisions regarding my discipline. I used to worry that he wouldn't discipline me enough because it was never a natural tendency for him to lean towards this life, but now, I can't remember the last time I had one of those thoughts. I am confident that he will do what he believes to be best for me and for us. He has developed "the look" and is calling me on things as they happen which is making me more aware of my behavior and its impact on those around me. As I learn to trust him more, he is trusting himself more and is becoming an amazing HOH! Are we all there yet? Nope, this lifestyle is ever-changing in it's execution, but the basic principles remain the same. You have to have a sense of humor and an open mind or it will never work.
So, my question for all of us DD couples is, Are you truly living a dd "lifestyle" or has it become just an element of your life on the sidelines?

Is it the method or my wanting to be in control?

I know there are times when certain parts of a spanking make me angry. I used to think it was because "he wasn't doing it right", but now I'm starting to wonder if it's more about the spanking not being carried out in the manner that I would've chosen or they way I had it written in my head.

Due to falling behind and having a terrible attitude on my household responsibilities, my husband and I decided to try what I've heard referred to as "transformational discipline." (I promise I'll write about that sometime soon.) But part of what came of that was me receiving a spanking every night for two weeks to remind me of the importance of making my responsibilities a priority whether I felt like it or not.

The last several days, he's been ending these spankings with several hard swats to my thighs which as anyone who is spanked knows, really hurts! Well, I found myself being mad when it was over and I wasn't sure why. I tried to convince myself it was because he was doing it wrong. Well, I think "wrong" turned out to be code for "I wouldn't tell you to do it that way."

So, now what? Well, I guess I'm gonna have to trust him. I'm going to have to sit back and trust that he is doing what he believes will be the most effective to help change my behavior. And I'm going to have to open my mind up to the idea that I am not in charge here! Ouch!

My beginning into the DD journey

In about a month it'll be three years since our first attempt at DD. Now, I say "attempt" because it sure took awhile to figure out what in the world we were doing, lol.

First off, you have to know my husband. Hunter is the most non-confrontational person that I know. And myself? Well, let's just say I'm not an easy force to deal with when I get my dander up about something. I knew that I'd had an interest in spanking since I was probably in junior high school, but I figured I must be some sort of sick pervert, so I kept them to myself for a long time. Three years ago, I got up the nerve and decide to show my husband the stuff I'd been finding online. I printed off a few articles on the art of erotic spanking/ GG's (good-girls) and highlighted the stuff I wanted him to really see and then I left them on his pillow to find when he came home from work that afternoon. I'm not sure what I did, but pretty sure I hid for awhile to give him a chance to read and absorb it. Neither of us said much about it, but a few days later, we had a rare opportunity of having the house to ourselves, so he tried a few things and over the course of the weekend, we tried a few implements such as a wooden spoon and his belt and then ended up buying a ping pong paddle.

A few weeks later, I had promised him that I would make sure he had a clean towel in the morning for his shower, but then forgot about it until that morning. I felt really guilty about it, because the man really doesn't ask for much from me.... maybe some clean socks and underwear from time to time and an honest attempt to keep up with the house. So, I apologized profusely and offered to let him spank me for it. He looked at me like I was crazy and brushed it off.

Well, that wasn't enough to deter me, so it was back to the internet. I read and read and printed and read some more and came up with some pretty good articles on the whys and hows of Domestic Discipline.

At first he was really hesitant but decided to give it a try for me when I explained how much I felt the need for this in my life. I explained how I needed to feel accountable and have him step up and be the true Head of our Household (HOH). We gave it a go and were amazed at how things began to change.

The first thing we noticed was how our arguments no longer seemed to last for days at a time of barely speaking to each other. Now, honestly, our marriage was never "bad" to begin with, but I sensed something missing and was at a loss as to how to deal with the immense guilt I would feel when I let my temper and emotions affect the entire household.

The second huge change was our sex life. Again, this had never been "bad", but leaped to "WOW"!!! I honestly believe now that the biggest reason behind that was the fact that we no longer had a ton of unspoken words or unfinished business hanging over us.

Hunter struggled with a few things regarding DD. The first being, how could it be discipline if it was something I enjoyed for foreplay as well. The second was trying to understand the difference in hitting and spanking. My husband grew up watching his mother being beaten by his biological dad and didn't want to do the same. I hope to talk some about these topics in future entries.

Well, at the time we started our DD journey, I was two months pregnant. Relax before anyone jumps on their soap box. We were very very very very careful. In the beginning, the spankings were very light. We continued with this until a month before my due date and decided to stop the discipline part until after the baby was born.

Somewhere between six and nine months after the baby was born, I explained to Hunter about my need to resume the DD life we had started. Shortly after this, I was fortunate enough to find a couple of fantastic forums that were a kind of support group for couple living a DD lifestyle. Once I began to no longer believe that I was totally off my rocker for needing/wanting this kind of life, things really changed. I had finally found people who were also living this way and found that the thoughts, feelings, concerns, problems, etc.... that we had were completely normal. I have been blessed to make some wonderful friends that I wouldn't trade for the world and to have my eyes opened to some "not so good" things about myself. I am not the same person I was when we began this journey and I pray that two years from now I can report how much more we have changed towards the goal of what we want to be.

This is just a glimpse into how it began for us. Hopefully, I can expand more as I learn how this blog thing works, lol.

Have a wonderful and safe memorial day weekend :)!!!

My Masks

This is an essay I wrote a while back after clearing a bump in the road of our DD journey. I decided to post it here because the words still ring very true as to how I feel and it's a concept I still struggle with from time to time as I'm sure many of us in this life do. There is no such thing as a perfect DD relationship and just as in every other part of our lives, there will be bumps and hurdles along the way. The important part is how we come back from those bumps and what we take with us on the next leg of our journey.


My Masks

In my mind, I was broken. Damaged goods. Irreparable. Hopeless, helpless and trapped in the experiences of my life. There's the side I presented to the world: Confident, caring, loving, a leader. I had it all together. Behind closed doors, Mrs. Hyde would emerge. Vindictive. Angry. Judgemental. Cold. Manipulative. These were my survivor qualities. The things that kept me from being hurt. Lashing out in anger, looking for shock value, and testing. If anyone sees these qualities they'll leave. If they leave, they can't hurt me. Then there was the "real" me. Unlovable. Incapable. Weak. Needy. Small. Incompetent. Undeserving. Afraid. Never show these. Lock these things in that dark deep place where nobody is allowed in. Anger will stand guard at the door. Anger wears a disguise too. Its mask is humor. If I was laughing, nobody would know I was hurting. If I made them laugh, then they had to see me. If they could see me, then I wasn't invisible. As soon as I gave up and stopped looking, there he was. Somehow he loved me in spite of myself. I wore so many masks, not even I knew which was real. I'm guessing they all have a reality of their own. I believed I was in an HOH marriage. That was fine with me. He could make the decisions as long as I agreed with them first. I could manipulate every decision to get what I wanted. I would wear him down until it was easier to give in to me than to fight me. He would always come back to my way of thinking. In the end it was his decision. He just "changed his mind" is all. Now enter DD. It clicked. This is what was missing. Someone caring enough to hold me accountable. Did it solve everything? No. Is it getting better? Yes. For the first time my eyes are open to the reality and depth of his love for me. For the passive, quiet, gentle man he is to bare my bottom and spank me is something I never believed could happen. But it does. He's getting better at it all the time. WEG. He doesn't do it out of anger. He doesn't do it to make himself look good. He doesn't do it to humiliate me or make me feel less of a person. So why? For him the answer is simple. It's because I asked. It's because he loves me. It's because he will do everything in his power to protect me from my very worst enemy..... ME. Do I still wear the masks? Yes. Not as frequently though. In the end it all boils down to me. Do I trust myself enough to give up control and let someone else lead and believe that he will not hurt me? So what is the biggest thing DD has given me??? Freedom. Freedom to be me. Freedom to discover who I am. Freedom to fail. Freedom to fully trust in someone.

What am I thinking???

I've actually thought of starting a blog for a long while now, but never had the guts. So, I figured why not jump right in and go for it. LOL.

I plan to use this space to discuss my family, my writing, and the Domestic Discipline Relationship I share with my wonderful husband.

Please be patient with me as I learn to use it. For the most part I know just enough about computers to be really dangerous, lol.

So, here we go..........