Understanding Does Not Mean Agreement

You clearly state your opinion on a matter and your spouse doesn't agree, so you state it again and he/she still doesn't agree. Does this mean that your spouse doesn't understand?

How many times do we feel that we need to repeatedly explain our opinions, thoughts, or position believing that if our spouse doesn't agree that they dont' understand.

This weekend, I was enlightened by a friend of mine who finally figured it out. Understanding does not mean agreement. Our spouses can fully understand us and not agree.

I know I find myself doing this all the time. If it is something I am truly passionate about, then I somehow have it in my brain that if he truly understood my point, then he would totally agree with me, so if he's not agreeing then it must be because he doesn't understand.

This was eye-opening to me. It was like a light-bulb moment where a bubble popped up and said, "Guess what, we are going to disagree from time to time." It's not because we dont' understand the other, we just have different points of view.

I can see how this can play into the DD relationship. I may not always agree over what my husband considers to be spankable, but I understand that I have given him consent by agreeing to live under his leadership. Together, he and I have agreed to this male-led HOH lifestyle and we have agreed to the fact that he will use spanking as a disciplinary measure when necessary. I can fully understand why he may make a decision to spank me without agreeing with that decision and not just the decision in itself, but maybe just the execution of that decision.

Case in point.....
Sunday afternoon, I had a reminder spanking coming for the week in general. I fully understood why I was getting spanked. There was no question in the matter. However, he chose to give the spanking while the kids were in the next room. Even after I expressed that I was not comfortable with that decision,he spanked anyway. I went through the motions of physically submitting myself to the spanking, but my heart was not there because I felt that I was not being heard. After pouting for a day or two, it finally dawned on me this morning when I was thinking back on that spanking. He did understand he just didnt' agree that the spanking shouldn't take place then. How do I know that he understood? He used much quieter implements, implements that he would not normally use for those infractions. My consequence for not taking my meds as I should is a spanking with extra swats added at the end with the big bath brush with so many swats per pill. He used the brat loop which is much quieter.

By allowing myself to immediately go on the defensive in believing that I wasn't being understood because he didn't agree, then I put myelf in the position of not fully engaging in the spanking and not letting it reach my heart which in my mind is not true submission. I also wasted valuable time and energy in a pout over the whole thing. All I had to do was to let him know that I wasn't feeling understood and he could've expressed to me that he did understand and was taking my feelings into consideration even if it wasn't in the manner I wanted.

D0 I feel my husband owes me an explanation for all he does? No, he is the HOH. However, that does not make him the dictator and he will explain when he knows that I am feeling unheard, unloved, or misunderstood.

Anyhow, that is my most recent epiphany in this DD journey.

Thanks for stopping by :)!

April