Thursday, December 25, 2008

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

May you all have a blessed Christmas filled with memories made with family and friends.

I wish the best for all of you in 2009!!

God Bless!

April

JESUS! The Reason for the season!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I know it's a day early and that I have a Christmas background, but I didnt want to forget to make a post for Thanksgiving!



I hope you all have a wonderfully blessed Thanksgiving surrounded by those you love! We have so much to be thankful for!



I am thankful for my wonderful husband who despite his reservations attempts to live this DD lifestyle with me. We have our ups and downs, but it has been a great asset to our marriage.



I am thankful for my beautiful children that remind me so much about what is important in life and how unconditional love can be a reality.



I am thankful for the freedoms we enjoy here in this country. The freedom to gather and worship God openly in any way we choose. The freedom to vote, to speak my mind, to education, etc...



I am thankful for the men, women and their families who sacrifice daily to protect this country or sacrifice time with their loved one so that they can protect our liberties.



I am thankful for my friends here, who care about me despite my short-comings but encourage me anyway.



Happy Thanksgiving and God bless!!


April

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A Meme

1. I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments, what is it?





Produce: Strawberries


Frozen: Pizza


Meat: Ground Beef


Dairy: Cheese


Can Goods: SpaghettiO's





2.Let's say you're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what's in your bag?





If it's just me and my husband..... pair of panties, bra, and a dress





3.If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 4 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?





"_________, leave your sister alone."


"What did Mommy say?"


"Stop touching each other."


"Go ask your dad!"





4.So, what 4 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you probably wouldn't be in the best mood?





Spending time w/ my husband and kids


Going online


Eating


Sleeping





5. You're driving down the road, and suddenly you're hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?





Cars that are tailgating me


People who change lanes without looking


People driving 30 mph, in a 65mph zone





6. You just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?





3 WHOLE HOURS??? WOW! Ummmm.....





Reading a book


Working on my latest story


Playing on the computer


Taking a nap


Watching a favorite movie





7. We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?





Whatever the top three picks of the kids are





8. You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick 4, so what are you going to see?





Summer Olympics (gymnastics!)


Dr. Phil


The Cosby Show


CSI





9. You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?





Mint Chocolate Chip


Cherry Nut


Chocolate





10. Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?





wallet, checkbook, family pictures, gum, and lotion





11. You are at a job fair, and asked in what areas you are interested in pursuing a career. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?





Counselor


Author


Photographer


Chef





12. If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?





You are not guranteed tomorrow to tell the ones you love how you feel about them.





Sweeping uncomfortable topics under the rug does not make them disappear, they will rear their head again, no matter how far you think you bury them.





Your family may be your biology, but your biology does not have to be your biography.





Take time to appreciate the little things around you.














April

Happy Veteran's Day!


Veteran's Day!
To all those who have or who are currently serving in our Nation's military,
My family extends its heartfelt thanks and appreciation for all your sacrifice and service.
May none of us take forgranted the freedoms we have today!
America... Land of the Free because of the Brave!!


HOLY CRAP! ... I forgot we had that thing!

Well, since I've heard rumors that it's "Love Our Lurkers Day", I figured I'd add a real DD post for any lurkers I may have left out there :).

Have you ever had one of those moments during a spanking when you're expecting one thing to impact your posterior region and what actually ends up striking there causes you to think very quickly "Holy Crap, I forgot we had that thing and I'm in BIG trouble now!! " ? I had one of those moments this weekend.

First off, I have to start by telling you about two implements we bought a few months back. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to resize pics to fit here from my digital camera or I' d post a few pics. The first one is a maple paddle about 18 inches long from tip to tip and has holes on the business end which is about 5 inches long. It packs a pretty good sting. The second one is the one that caused this thought to go through my head though. It's a rubber strap with a large wooden handle. The strap itself is about 18 inches long and 4 inches wide. That is a LOT of coverage!! Oh my word!

So, this weekend, my husband was spanking for the recurring laundry problem that exists in this house. He is spanking and I'm squirming of course and then he says.. "Here's a little extra for you since this is a continual problem here." Now I'm expecting one of two implements, the horrid giant bathbrush or the strapwrench. The evil rubber strap never entered my mind. I had forgotten we even had it as it is saved for very serious points. Well, I remembered real quick the second that thing landed on my bare backside!!! Holy cow!! Let's just say, the laundry is now caught up and I'm looking for a good buy on feather pillows and frozen peas!

Thanks for stopping by :)
April

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Holy Cow! A new post.... nothing to do with DD, LOL.

I found a meme I hadn't seen before on a couple of blogs I visit, so I umm... stole it, LOL, but I thought it was a very unique one, so here goes.....



1) If your ex REALLY needed you at 3 am, would you go to his/her house?



Absolutely. And so would my husband since my ex is one of his best friends. He was the best man in our wedding and introduced us, but believe it or not.. it's never been a weird thing. He and his wife are good friends of ours still.



2) When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?



Not so much punch him in the face, but knock the phone off of his hear... that would be for the pizza delivery guy who was talking on his cell phone while trying to deliver my order at my door. Talk about customer service!



3) What are the last three things you spent money on?



Oh goodness, let's see..... 1) prescription meds 2) milk 3) DVD rental



4) What was the last thing you cried about?



I honestly can't remember. Probably something to do with my kids. My youngest is hitting a lot of milestones lately and they're going way too fast!



5) Could you go a day without eating?



I have before due to the health situations, but it's not my first choice.



6)Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a J?



Yep, my grandpa!! And I'd give almost anything to be able to do it again!



7)Do you smoke weed regularly?



Never have, never will



8) Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?



Yes... my husband.





9) When was the last time you were disappointed?



Last night





10) Has a girl ever seriously punched you?



Not that I can recall.



11) What was the last thing you put in your mouth?



A meximelt.





12) Have you kissed two different people in one night?



Every night! I have four kids and a husband, so I kiss five different people each night :).



13) How easy is it for others to make you feel awkward?



It depends on who it is.



14) Are you taller than 5'4"?



Yes

15) In the last week, have you felt stupid?



Yes



16) What's the age difference between you and the last person you kissed?



32 years.... she's 3, and very hard to resist kissing :)!



17) Have you ever been outside completely naked?



Does in a tent count??



18) What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed?



100% impossible



19) Who did you text the most yesterday?



If IMing online counts, that would be Katy. Other than that, I didn't text at all yesterday.



20) What were you doing at 10pm Friday night?



Talking to my mom on the phone.



21) What are your plans for today?



Work on cleaning the house, doing some laundry, kids baths, fixing dinner, etc... normally Saturday stuff.



22) Could you go the rest of your life without smoking cigarette?



Since I never have started, then I would say, absolutely! I watched my grandfather die from lung cancer, so I dont see me ever starting.



23) What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?



To have my tonsils checked and get refills for my prescriptions.



24)What is the last thing you yelled aloud?



I'm pretty sure it was one of my kids' names, but I sure couldn't tell you which one, lol.



25) What do you think of when you think of Australia



Kangaroos



26) Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?



Not that I can think of off the top of my head.



27) Have you ever kissed the last person you text?



Well, the last time I actually texted with my cell phone... I think it was my husband, so I would hope so.



28) What's one action you do when you're really nervous



Either start talking a lot or bouncing my leg.



29) Would you rather give up the computer or the TV?



definitely TV..... my computer has too many lifelines on it, lol



30) Do you find yourself saying mean things to people over the internet that you wouldn't say to their face?



No, I am not mean over the internet unless I have to be and those things I would say to their face if necessary.



31) One word that explains perfectly how you feel at the moment?



resigned



32) What did the last text message you received say?



I have no idea, lol.



33) Do you care if people hate you for no reason?



More than I like, but I'm getting a lot better at that. People who hate for no good reason are only cheating themselves.



34) How hard is your life right now?



Very hard in a lot of ways, but not near as hard as it could be, so I try to look at my blessings versus my hardships and it improves my outlook. God knows the big pictures, so I rest in his security.



35) Have you ever taken anyone for granted?



Definitely.... not proud of it, but I'm sure everyone has at some point.







April



Sunday, September 7, 2008

Defining our Direction

It's no secret here that Hunter and I have had many ups and downs in regards to the consistency of our DD life.

For awhile now it just seems life everything was going in a vicious circle. He would stay consistent for a few days and I would get better with my behavior and then he would slack off and I would get worse and start testing him and round and round the story goes. We've had a lot of talks over the last three years about how to do this,that and and the other and what was effective and what wasn't and what we thought should be spankable, etc.... But, even through all these talks, I think we'd missed one of the really important ones. Just what was it we expected to achieve from DD?

Like so many other couples, I think we tried to jump into this head first and made tons and tons of rules and just thought every little problem could be fixed overnight simply by spanking. This is where the post on whether or not DD was really about spanking at all came from.

Well, last weekend took advantage of having a 3 day weekend and some "grandbaby withdrawal" from grandma time to sit down and do some talking and a WHOLE lot of spanking. We both agreed that we needed to figure out just what our goals and expectations were of DD and try to get on the same page.

First we discussed Goals and we came up with four goals that we want to see as a result of living a DD lifestyle:

1) Improved Communication
2) Peace in the home
3)Consistency in our words and actions
4) Accountability to one another

Then we each came up with three expectations that we have of the other that we agree to really concentrate on for the next few months. We thought three would be workable and not too overwhelming.

His expectations of me are......

1) He expects me to "go to work" each day as far as my responsibilities as a stay at home mom and housewife and make those responsibilities a priority just like he goes out of the home to work each day whether he feels like it or not.

2) He expects me to speak and act toward him in a respectful manner.

3) He expects me to discipline our children without yelling.( I thought maybe if I posted them here then I'd have even more accountability and you all could send positive thoughts my way . )

I expect him to ....

1) Be firm and consistent with DD even when he doesn't feel like it.

2) To make time with me in the evenings a priority.

3) To use clear communication and say how he feels about things. This pertains to if something I do upsets him or whether or not he intends to apply consequences instead of leaving me guessing.

At the end we came up with rules for our DD life and narrowed those down to 2 basic rules..

1) Be respectful
2) Take care of health and self

If you think about it, pretty much anything can fall into those two categories and this sounds so much simpler than the pages of stuff we came up with in the beginning.

After talking, he gave a very serious, long, and very hard spanking to kind of give us a fresh start and remind me of the HOH dynamic that we have both agreed to. This is something I asked for as I was starting to feel like I was putting the walls up again and didnt' want to go back there. We also used the weekend (no, we weren't alone the whole weekend, but the kids do sleep and they can go upstairs) for him to give periodic short reminder spankings reinforcing the fact that he is HOH.

He also gave three somewhat serious spankings as a reminder of each of the three expectations I am to work on and what to expect if I am not meeting them.Overall, this was a really really good weekend for us. I feel much clearer and secure in our choice to live this lifestyle and am really feeling his commitment to it as well. It doesn't feel like we're just kind of winging it or that it's jumbled in mass chaos what each expects of the other and got us on the same page.

It just seems like we've had a lot of instances lately where he says something and I am not defining it anywhere near what he intended. I also had my eyes opened to some of his concerns and how important they really are to him. We're not being naive here. I know and understand now that things are not going to be perfect all the time and I am not going to change the undesirable behaviors overnight. I have been this way for over 30 years and need to establish some new habits.

Anyhow, I just thought I'd share something that worked really well for us and kind of where we are right now .

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Hello

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the planet. I've just used this summer as a break for some of my online activities.

Hunter and I have used this summer to really focus on just the trial and error of DD. By that I mean, we have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what best meets our needs. We have shared scenarios with each other and how each would like to see them handled in kind of a role playing way. We have both felt comfortable in taking a short break from time to time without upsetting the other.

I guess we have put more focus on communicating about DD rather than simply carrying it out. Like I said in my last post, DD is about so much more than just the act of spanking.

Hope everyone had a great summer. Thanks for stopping by :)!

April

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Is DD really about spanking at all?

This is a question that has run through my mind a lot lately, and I'm gonna try to post my thoughts on it without totally confusing myself and everyone else by the time I'm done.
Yes, I think spanking is a need and/or kink some of us are born with. We are just wired that way. If I were to say that I wasn't turned on by spanking, I would be lying, but it's more the fantasy of it versus the reality that turns me on. And if I had to be honest, it's more the dominancy and the masculine take charge attitude of my husband during the spankings that makes me feel loved and protected that is really the turn on. It's not necessarily the act of the spanking itself.
Inconsistency has been an issue here more often than not for the entirety of our DD journey. We've gone through phases where it really bothers me and then some where I'm okay with it and understand that life gets in the way sometimes.
What generally happens here is that after a lull, he will ask what I need. Now in terms of "need" he is talking about spanking and basically asking what I need in the way of a spanking in order to move on and restart us. What I have somehow managed to fail to communicate in the last three years, is that this need for DD really has very little to do with spanking itself. What I need is to know that he'll keep his word when he promises consequences. I need to know that he wants this and that it's important to him too. I need the guidance and accountability that comes with DD and I need it all the time, not just when he's not too tired or too busy.
I guess, in my opinion, the spanking is just a tool of DD just like any other consequence. It just happens to be the consequence that reaches my heart the most. I believe that a DD relationship is completely possible without any spanking at all. It depends on the couple and what those needs are. So, while spanking is indeed a need for me, it's not the whole need. It's only a small part of it.
Just administering a spanking every few days or every few weeks is not going to meet my need any more than sex without love would have any meaning for me.
Any thoughts??

April

Monday, April 21, 2008

The Next Level

First of all, I'm so sorry that I've been so lax here. February through April are so crazy in our home that I'm lucky to find time to turn around let alone blog.

In the meantime though, things have been up and down and up and down with DD, but fortunately it's been up for the most part :)!!

Can anyone recall playing a video game over and over, trying to get to the next level and it seems like every time you fall just a few points short before your character bites the dust and then the day comes where out of nowhere you make it to the next level? This is what I feel like today.

It seems like Hunter and I have taken three steps forward and two steps back for months; never quite making any marked progress, but still not falling totally back to the beginning either.

It's been frustrating at times, but the difference this time is that there hasn't been day after day or week after week of DD lapses. This time, we have continuted to communicate and neither of us has given up.

We even had one time where we really were not on the same page. He insisted on spanking and I didnt agree the spanking was deserved, but I didn't argue in order to show him that I really wanted him to be HOH. And on his side, he didnt' back down from what he believed to be the right thing. In the past if I would've even given a hint to disagreeing with him he would've backed off in order to not "force it" on me, but this time he stood firm. We never did figure out who was "right" that night, but we felt really good with the outcome.

Back to this week..... It was a crazy week to say the least. So, for one reason or another, he wasn't able to follow through with a promised spanking or two for a few days. Normally that would bring out all sorts of insecurities in me. I would be freaking out that he didn't want this anymore or that I wasn't important enough to him to stay consistant, etc... All of the sudden yesterday, it dawned on me that I was really and truly fine with if he decided to play catch up or not. If he chose to still hold me accountable for everything that we'd had to put on hold, that was fine, but if he didnt' then I was okay with that too and it wasnt' the end of the world.

It was just so weird because I've always had to have him take care of every infraction separately in order for me to feel truly absolved and for those instances to be finished, but not this time. I just felt calm and assured that we could start fresh the next day.

It is an amazing feeling to be secure in knowing that our DD is still steady and even though I didnt account for everything that it wasnt' because he didn't care. It wasn't because he didnt' have time for me. It wasn't because I was a burden. It was because I was truly remorseful for what I had done and there was no longer a need to absolve it or put an end to it. This time I didnt' need him to reassure me that he was paying attention :).

Now, I assured him that this wasnt' a guarantee that I wouldn't freak out the next time this happened or two or three times down the road, but the fact that I didnt this time was HUGE!! Next level reached! :) And it feels oh so good!!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

A meme I stole from Angelbrat :) ... but I really liked it :)

1. What is your occupation? Hmmm.... mother, referee, taxi driver, lawyer, accountant, seamstress, maid, etc.... just to name a few.

2. What color are your socks right now? Ummm... skin tones I guess since I took mine off, but the ones I was wearing were black with pink polka dots.

3. What are you listening to right now? Hunter clicking the remote as he channel surfs.

4. Last thing you ate? Frozen custard w/ strawberries... YUMMY!!!

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes, my first car was a stick shift... and yes, burned out that clutch in less than a year, lol.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Pink ... not that fake neon pink, but the basic, crayola pink, the perfect shade :).

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My sister-in-law.

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Well, nobody sent it to me, I stole it, and I dont know Angelbrat well, but I love her blog :).

9. How old are you? Old enough that I dont' answer that question anymore. I'll narrow it down to decade... in my 30's.

10. Favorite drink? Pepsi

11. What is your favorite sport to watch? Gymnastics and figure skating... and yes, they are real sports!

12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Absolutely! I have no desire to get a reality check as to how many gray hairs are hiding under that hair dye :).

13. Pets? Two cats, a tank of fish, and one very ornery, obnoxious and highly energetic "Puppy"

14. Favorite food? Mexican food ... not real picky which dish... just mexican food in general!

15. What was the last movie you watched? Home of the Brave

16. What was the last book you read? "Ninety Minutes In Heaven"

17. What was your favorite toy as a child? Probably my barbies.

18. What is your favorite season? Fall

19. Hugs or kisses? Both!

20. Cherries, Blueberries or Strawberries? Always strawberries, sometimes blueberries, rarely cherries :).

Now... here's the deal, if you read this here, then please copy and paste your answers on your own blog or add them to the comments if you choose :).

Thanks for stopping by.

April

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Different Definition of Submission

Sorry it's been so long since I updated here especially after the last post.

For those who are curious, yes, I shared the last post with Hunter. We talked a lot over several days and just tried to take things slow in processing what was going on. We both agreed that we wanted to get back on track and that we both definitely want this DD life even with its ups and downs.

One of the things Hunter asked me to do to help us get back on track was to write an essay sharing my definition and/or qualities of a submissive DD wife and what I felt I needed to do to attain being that person. That was a lot harder than I thought, but this is what I wrote.......

"I'm not sure I'd label these as qualities of solely a DD wife, but more of a Christian wife in general or even a Christian woman. For that description, I would say: Honest, trustworthy, submissive but not a doormat, forgiving, assertive but not agressive, gentle and loving. A woman who builds up vs. tearing down but can still shoot straight with people when needed. Let's face it, I am never going to be a meek, mousy, passive wife and you wouldn't want me to be that way either, I don't think. Just as much as I want to be the above things though, I also want to feel loved, honored, respected, safe and cared for.

As far as how to go about becoming those things, the first thing I need is a determination to work for them. The second thing is your help and support. Several of these things will involve me releasing some of my need for controlling every situation as well as a willing spirit when it comes to correction and constructive feedback.

I dont' want to be a bratting and testing DD wife, but feel I am worth expecting some consistency and commitment on both of our parts."

Now the big surprise was that when I gave this to him, he said that he didn't think it sounded very submissive. I was like, Huh????? Well, then it dawned on me. Maybe our ideas of submission aren't the same. See, I don't believe that the term submission in relation to a husband or wife can be a straight black and white definition. I think it is very subjective and can differ a great deal from couple to couple.

So, what now? Well, we are working on defining submission for us. He has shared with me what his views of submission are and I have shared mine, so now we need to find a common ground that defines it for US and then decide what it is we want to see happen as a result of living a DD life.

We're still taking it slow and we're both really trying to give our best which has made a huge difference in our interaction :)!!

April


Monday, January 21, 2008

Six Words

When I first uncovered my desire for a DD life, I thought the words "Are you ready for a spanking?" would be just what I was looking for. The more I hear those words lately, the more they anger me. Not because they are a prelude to a painful encounter or that I feel that a spanking is not deserved, but because these words are not preceded by any explanation as to why a spanking is coming or due. There is no warning. There is no mindset. These words only come out after a week or more of any misbehavior being ignored, of me feeling neglected, of me having my feelings hurt over and over and over again as I believe that this lifestyle (that he claims to want too) is ignored over and over again.

So, if you haven't figured it out yet, this post has the possibility of turning into a rant.

Yes, I want him to be the leader of our home, and yes I want this lifestyle. I truly do and he says that he does too.

Where do my feelings and needs fall within his leadership though. Am I supposed to just stand back and be okay with the fact that something is spankable one day, but not the next time and it is the next time or three after that, but not the one after that. Am I supposed to be okay with me following our agreement to journal my behavior each day and having it ignored. Am I supposed to be a robot that is able to just flip a switch to the proper mindset whenever he decides the he finally has the time or energy to address a behavior even if it happened days ago? How am I supposed to respond when he thinks that a spanking will fix everything and reset things between us and there's no discussion involved?

We used to sit down and evaluate each week about how things were going and anything we felt needed to be addressed in the coming week. We discussed successes and failures and I really felt like we were connected during those times, but even that has fallen to the wayside.

Several times in the past few months, we have sat down and tried to start over, but that usually lasts 2 days or so and then nothing happens for a week or more. So, I just don't know how I'm supposed to believe that this is a life we are going to have. Can I or should I just be happy for part-time DD?

Thus the questions I have asked on a couple of forums.....
Even though we can research and read online and talk to others who live this life and develop a head knowledge, can we really make this life works if only one of us is putting their hearts in it? Is head knowledge enough or do we need heart knowledge for it to be a fully effective and fulfilling lifestyle??